Fragile
I have been told many , many times that if you give me a Q-Tip, rubberband, and some tape I can make anything. Right now I feel like I am made on those things but someone pulled the tape off that was holding me together. Not sure why, but I hve been in a deeper funk this week. Thursday was not a bad day all together. I got up and went to work in Waterford WI. I spent time with my patients and the Personal Care Coordinator(PCC)(Jen). I feel she and I have become friends and I hope she feels that way. We laughed and talked of our families.
Then I went for my 35min drive to a meeting. Good one!!! Our boss and owner of the company gave us all an I-Pod and Starbucks card. VERY COOL!
I think I fried myself in the 90something weather as I drove back. So far pretty good day!
Worked till 5:30ish then started home. This is when it changed. I only have a couple friends that I feel REALLY close to. You know the ones that know everything about you or at least more than most. Well, I decided to return a call to one of those friends(Robyn). She then informed me that she is moving. 3-4 hours away. That means that her and her husband (Brian)that are BOTH my closest friends and their two children (Tyler & Tanner) are moving. I tried to sound happy for them as see gave me the details ,but after I hung up I broke. I could not stop crying. I don't want then to go and be so far away. I know that I can still keep in touch and travel to see them but it hurts me. I think this just adds on to the LONG list of things I think about every moment I am awake. Miss: Mom,Grandma, Grandpa, Laurie, My dog Hunter. Thoughts of tring to start my family, pay for the infertility crap, Pay the bills, Figure out why my car is not running right, What can I aford to drive safe, My Marriage, the House, Job, and all the little stuff. So much and so little time.
Every day there is more to think about and deal with but I do know I need Gods help to deal with every aspect of my life. We have to let him carry us now and then so we make it through. God is there for us.
May my friends remind me that when I forget and I will do that for them also.
Then I went for my 35min drive to a meeting. Good one!!! Our boss and owner of the company gave us all an I-Pod and Starbucks card. VERY COOL!
I think I fried myself in the 90something weather as I drove back. So far pretty good day!
Worked till 5:30ish then started home. This is when it changed. I only have a couple friends that I feel REALLY close to. You know the ones that know everything about you or at least more than most. Well, I decided to return a call to one of those friends(Robyn). She then informed me that she is moving. 3-4 hours away. That means that her and her husband (Brian)that are BOTH my closest friends and their two children (Tyler & Tanner) are moving. I tried to sound happy for them as see gave me the details ,but after I hung up I broke. I could not stop crying. I don't want then to go and be so far away. I know that I can still keep in touch and travel to see them but it hurts me. I think this just adds on to the LONG list of things I think about every moment I am awake. Miss: Mom,Grandma, Grandpa, Laurie, My dog Hunter. Thoughts of tring to start my family, pay for the infertility crap, Pay the bills, Figure out why my car is not running right, What can I aford to drive safe, My Marriage, the House, Job, and all the little stuff. So much and so little time.
Every day there is more to think about and deal with but I do know I need Gods help to deal with every aspect of my life. We have to let him carry us now and then so we make it through. God is there for us.
May my friends remind me that when I forget and I will do that for them also.
posted by Heidi Miller @ 9:20 PM
5 Comments:
At 12:34 PM,
Gail said…
My sweet Heidi Marie, I am so sorry your friends are moving. How sad. Remember its only 2-3 hours away and not 18 hours away. Did that help at all?
I know how you feel, Bob wants to move south closer to the plants and thats 2-3 hours away. I want to live up here close to all my family. I keep telling myself God has the plans. He(GOD) is in control of the whole thing.. Life sucks sometimes and I cry a lot. Lately our family has gone through way too much and I wish the world would know that. We hurt, we miss our loved ones and we wish life was easier. I am here for ya Heidi. Don't ever forget that...Picture yourself resting in God's huge hands. It helps me...
As for marriage, I have problems too. God is in control of that also. I keep praying God shows Bob how to be a loving, caring Godly man and Godly husband to me. I am seeking Him(God) more and more lately. It is our ONLY hope...I love you...
aunt Gail xo xo xo xo xo
At 12:34 PM,
Gail said…
My sweet Heidi Marie, I am so sorry your friends are moving. How sad. Remember its only 2-3 hours away and not 18 hours away. Did that help at all?
I know how you feel, Bob wants to move south closer to the plants and thats 2-3 hours away. I want to live up here close to all my family. I keep telling myself God has the plans. He(GOD) is in control of the whole thing.. Life sucks sometimes and I cry a lot. Lately our family has gone through way too much and I wish the world would know that. We hurt, we miss our loved ones and we wish life was easier. I am here for ya Heidi. Don't ever forget that...Picture yourself resting in God's huge hands. It helps me...
As for marriage, I have problems too. God is in control of that also. I keep praying God shows Bob how to be a loving, caring Godly man and Godly husband to me. I am seeking Him(God) more and more lately. It is our ONLY hope...I love you...
aunt Gail xo xo xo xo xo
At 9:21 AM,
PixieGirl said…
Hey hunnylamb. I just read your blog entry. I know how much Robyn and Brian mean to you. I'll be praying for you. I love you so much and I want you to know that you will NEVER do life alone! I'll always be here for you, but most importantly, GOD is with you. Don't lose heart sweet girl.
At 12:01 PM,
Barb K said…
Heidi,
Well, land sake's alive, you are a blogger! That is terrific and I am proud of you. I have always said I wish I could know more of what YOU are feeling like. Mandy and Phil are pretty transparent, but you, my dear, not so much. I am sad with you at your firends moving, that stinks. So does plenty of the other stuff you are withstanding. And that's the deal, you ARE standing. You keep getting up and moving forward, little by little. God smiles when we do that. He is smiling at you right now and I am suspecting your mom is right there next to Him.
I love you, Aunt Barb
At 8:27 PM,
Greg Boncimino said…
Heidi,
I love you and wish that I could give you a hug. (I accidently typed "hog" before "hug" -- what would you do with a hog? Hmmm...)
Thanks for being open with some of your thoughts. This is important. The more you do this, the better we'll be able to pray for you.
I am in Dallas right now, but will lift you up before I go to sleep. As I said, I love you.
Your oldest cousin,
Greg
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