Holy Cow!

I doubt anyone even looks at this blog anymore since it has been over a year since I have been in to update it. I suck!!! Well it has been over a year since I moved out on my own. I have been through a lot over this past year like everyone else probably has. The biggest thing is still the moving on alone.
It has been very hard not having someone at home to talk to and their warm arms to curl in. I really miss having my husband by my side but I know that it has acctually been way longer than this past year since we were really at each others side. Our marriage has not been mean or angry but just void. I think I deserve to be with someone that wants to love me and be with me. Someone that wants to share their thoughts and heart. I don't think I ever got Jims heart but only because he was not able to give it. If he wanted me over this past year he could have put some effort into letting me know what I meant to him. It hurts so much that I spent eleven years with someone and barely a tear was shed by him when I said that we need to move on. How unlovable am I?
Over the year I have continued to bring my dog over to Jim for him to help in her care as well as my dumb hope those moments of seeing me would bring Jim to his senses. Why would I do that to myself? I can't count to times I left his house to head to my apartment crying. My thoughts being again he just sat there and didn't say how much he missed me and loves me. DUMB!!!!!!!!!
We have now put in for a divorce. I just think of the Johnny Cash song "Burn". It has been a long time coming and needs to be done but my heart BURNS BURNS BURNS. I love parts of him and always will! I want to be happy on the inside.
All I think is that so many other people are going through so much more and no one needs to hear me complain. There are worse things in the world then a hurting heart. Helping others get through what is hurting them helps me get through the day.