Missing Mommy

This is a hard week for me and I know it is for most of my family. Saturday (7-2) will be the 8 year(WOW, can you believe 8yrs?) anniversary of my Mother leaving us to be with her FATHER in heaven. I have not had a day that she has not been in my mind, heart, and life. When I take a step back and look at this entire week it hits me how much has happened.
For me My last day with my Mom was wonderful. It was a Friday (6-27-97) . Odd that we both had a wedding that night, but different couples. We got up and worked on some art projects. Mom was finishing the last touches on the painting that was to be a gift that now hangs in Lil' Phils house. We always had a habbit of doing final checks on eachothers work to see if any detail was left.
Once done we decided to go for brunch at Around the Clock. We talked and laughed for a couple hours. We talked about the future and my 6 month relationship with a man named Jim.(now my husband). Discussed so much and such deep thoughts it is to much to write. Then we headed to WalMart (my mothership!!!) That year was the start of self scans throughout the store to check a price. Those of you who know mom will be able to picture this pretty good. She grabbed an armful of small objects like hair clips. She then proceeded to scan and throw each item at me and laugh. God, I can still hear her laugh! It was just HER! That silly, giant hearted, God loving, child that everyone wanted to be around. I want to be like her!!! You? We even looked at engagement rings that day just to see what I liked. Cool.
Back at the house and time for me to head out... Mom helped me get dressed, Painted my nails, pulled up my hair, and walked me to my Jeep. As we hugged for the last time she told me she loved me and wished me a safe trip up North. Then said "see you soon!"
I left and went to the wedding then up north for a vacation with Jim. Jim and I had been fighting on the trip and decided to cut it short by two days. We came home on 7-3-97. Messages on the answering machine and notes on the door, something was very wrong. Forty minute drive to find my mother gone and a entire family in tears.
The year after that I had to put my dog Pumpkin down that had been a true friend for 13 years. She held on for that first year of loss I feel just to help me through. So, this week does suck and I think of (6-27 last day with Mom)(6-28 passing of Pumpkin)(7-2 Passing of Mom)(7-3 day I came home).
Each year I think of these days. I do cry but I also remember. I am so lucky to have had every moment with my loved ones. That reminds my to enjoy the moments with all the ones here and make sure they will have good memories of ME too!!! :)

Fragile

I have been told many , many times that if you give me a Q-Tip, rubberband, and some tape I can make anything. Right now I feel like I am made on those things but someone pulled the tape off that was holding me together. Not sure why, but I hve been in a deeper funk this week. Thursday was not a bad day all together. I got up and went to work in Waterford WI. I spent time with my patients and the Personal Care Coordinator(PCC)(Jen). I feel she and I have become friends and I hope she feels that way. We laughed and talked of our families.
Then I went for my 35min drive to a meeting. Good one!!! Our boss and owner of the company gave us all an I-Pod and Starbucks card. VERY COOL!
I think I fried myself in the 90something weather as I drove back. So far pretty good day!
Worked till 5:30ish then started home. This is when it changed. I only have a couple friends that I feel REALLY close to. You know the ones that know everything about you or at least more than most. Well, I decided to return a call to one of those friends(Robyn). She then informed me that she is moving. 3-4 hours away. That means that her and her husband (Brian)that are BOTH my closest friends and their two children (Tyler & Tanner) are moving. I tried to sound happy for them as see gave me the details ,but after I hung up I broke. I could not stop crying. I don't want then to go and be so far away. I know that I can still keep in touch and travel to see them but it hurts me. I think this just adds on to the LONG list of things I think about every moment I am awake. Miss: Mom,Grandma, Grandpa, Laurie, My dog Hunter. Thoughts of tring to start my family, pay for the infertility crap, Pay the bills, Figure out why my car is not running right, What can I aford to drive safe, My Marriage, the House, Job, and all the little stuff. So much and so little time.

Every day there is more to think about and deal with but I do know I need Gods help to deal with every aspect of my life. We have to let him carry us now and then so we make it through. God is there for us.

May my friends remind me that when I forget and I will do that for them also.

Friends

I keep thinking about how little I thank my friends. Not for something they do or for giving something, but for being my friend too! I know I can be just as weird or weirder than the next guy. I have some of the best friends. They will stand by my side and even hold me up. When I am down they will listen to me or just let me cry. My friends can make me laugh and laugh with me. So, I take this time to say "THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND". May I help make your life a little easier and interesting as time goes by so you may con't to be my friend.

The Begining

Today I decided I will join the BLOG train. I am not sure how this will work for me or who would even care what goes on in my head. Here I go...
I read my sisters blog tonight and many of her comments hit me, but one made me relize I need to get my heart in a better place. I have NOT been dealing with a lot in my life. I seem to be using one thing after another to mask the last thought. I lost my mother almost 8 years ago and I still cry as I type that. I LOST her! I left one day and when I returned she was gone!!! My soul knows right where she is as well as the sweet cousin that left us only months ago. My heart and mind on the other hand still have so much pain.
Wow, I do not know where that came from seeing my idea was to start with the thought on my most recent loss. I guess it just needed to come out! Like I said "I am not sure how this will work."
I have lost loved ones in my life starting with my Grandfather. To me it is a big list but I know many have lost more. I need to do this...
11y/o Grandpa P
21y/o Mother (best friend)
22y/o Pumpkin (dog best friend)
26y/o Baby (miscarriage)
28y/o Grandma B
28y/o Grandpa B
29y/o Hunter (dog/baby)
29y/o Laurie B
Is it just me or do you lose more loved ones in a short period of time as you age?